Folks 'round here get their corn from a jar!

"I self-censored a big chunk of this posting that that might have upset my family... Sorry guys, that wasn't my intention!!"

Let's see... Lets go all the way back to this afternoon in Walmart. I was checking out and the scanner beeped when the cashier - a tall, thin, aging woman - asked to see my ID. I asked why she needed to see it. She glared at me. Glared. And then responded with, "One of them movies was adult." Let's see here... I'll just flip through my $5.50 DVDs from Walmart so that you the reader can pick out the ADULT film. Charlotte's Web, The Secret of Nimh, Air America (rated R), and Pushing Tin (Rated R, and which I admitedly bought because it has John Cusack, and a nude scene with Agelina Jolie). At least I hope this version has that nude scene.

I responded with (my driver's license because I'm a good little boy), "I had no idea such a law existed in the United States!". To which my friendly - quickly becoming a torch-bearing, string-'em-up sort - cashier responded with, "Well some folks don't want their kids watching filth." I was shocked. I was taken aback. I had no idea how to respond so I simply high-tailed it out of there. We're relying on WALMART to make sure of kids don't see rated R films now?!? Holy shit things have slipped in the three years I've been gone. Granted I'm hanging out right on top of the big shiny buckle of the bible belt but I was flabbergasted. So we parked in a handicapped spot fo rmy grandmother, and some jerk was getting in his car and left his car less than an inch form ours (because the spot we were in wasn't really a spot). So I hopped out, asshole turned to full volume and promptly placed the car in the path of his backing-upSUV. Causing him to have to hop BACK out and issue a stern, "That's not a spot!" warning across my bow. I realized that what I did was wrong so I rested the cart free of his grasp bid him a snotty "Good day sir" and wheeled the car over to the cart corral. That was that - but still weird.

Before that I was at lunch with my Mom and grandmother (Nanny). Our waitress Bobby is in love with my uncle, and hates my aunt. She very vocal about the whole thing. I think that she is mentally ill - at least a little bit. She even went as far this time as to mention that she'll send my aunt a "Get Well Soon" card. My aunt isn't ill. I'm not sure why they put up with her - she's kind of like Flo from the 70's TV show "Alice" - weird in and of itself. I was in a When in Rome sort of mood so I ordered Chicken and Dumplings (delicious), Turnip greens with vinegar (again yuummy), and green beans. Whew buddy. Those green beans were so salty that I saw the cooks beating back deer tryng to get at 'em. Those poor animals thought it was a saltlick! Needless to say I didn't finish them. I DID on the other hand finish two sweet teas. Damn that shit is TASTY.

Not everything is weird here. The air on this summer evening was simply wonderful. We had rainstorms today, and the sickly sweet smell of vegetaion was heavy on the air as we drive home from dinner. It was cool too and I even unrolled my window for much of the ride. The people, despite their on-the-sleeve xenophobia, are delightful. Sweet as pie they are provided you're not one of 'them'. I was trying to figure out what size diapers to buy for our baby, and somehow in the process my Mom hunted down the only lady in the store with little ones. Well they talked long enough that I'd be walking through another aisle and a complete stranger would congratulate me on our new baby. Not even the slightest bit puzzled about the Chinese thing. A soul is a soul you know.

Thi is your intrepid reporter signing out, with that faintly rotting vegetation (aka jungle smell) in his nostrils and wondering if those hills actually ARE alive, from good old Rocky Top. Rocky Top Tennessee, Rocky Top Tennessee, Rocky Top Tenn-A-See-eee-eee-eee.

Oh - they have Craftsman-style bungalows down here for CHEAP! If only I could be sure that my Chinese daughter would be happy. A southern accent sure would be darling.